Dear Peggy,

Choosing to extract the positives from life is something I’ve done… a mindset I have adopted during periods of my adult life… but, due to a number of reasons, I’ve fallen off the wagon of doing this in recent years.

I also try to find things to be grateful for or small things to enjoy… I don’t do it every day as a disciplined practice, but I do it somewhat regularly. Yesterday it was very windy and I was enjoying how my dog’s floppy ears appear to float on the wind (she looks hilarious when this happens).

FWIW, I identify as being a sensitive person as well; the HSP (highly sensitive person) description fits me fairly well. And similarly, it has caused extra angst, both as a child and as an adult. I definitely didn’t have the skills or perspective to withstand the criticism I received. And I received a ton of criticism for who I was not just from my family, but from teachers, other kids, whoever. And bullying too. This lead to several negative core beliefs like that I am defective, unlikeable, not deserving of being treated decently, not deserving of friends, I don’t deserve to have my needs met or my needs are annoying or too much for others.

Like I said, my father and sister were always pointing out my flaws, all the things I couldn’t do or do well.. these things were really harped on. I developed a sense of learned helplessness about many things… I look back now, and can’t believe what simple, inconsequential things where harped on and should not have been. Either I eventually learned them or they never mattered that much anyhow. And there were many things I was good or better than good at, but these were always downplayed.

If I could meet and make positive, strong friendships with people I care to be with… that would go a long way toward improving my life. But it seems like past a certain point in life, people are too busy for friends or already have all the friends they have time for or only want friends who have similar life circumstances. Or they have issues and are fairly toxic people. And then the few times in recent years others showed interest in being friends with me, I recoiled… partly from being out of practice in being anything more than an acquaintance and partly out of not wanting to reveal myself to only end up experiencing shame and rejection in the end anyhow. I was sorry I did that but couldn’t manage anything else at the time. I’ll have to address the rest of what you said in another message.

Lost soul