Mark,

Thank you for your perspective. I think now, I realize that I feel upset for my past self rather than my present self. Such as, I feel sad for my younger self who didn’t feel like she was enough to fix the relationship. And now that this is resurfacing, I am conflating the wants of my past self and my present self when they are indeed separate entities. Because if I’m being honest, a relationship with him does not sound like my ideal partnership.

Allow me to clarify. I meant that him being with men didn’t bother me because if he was only exclusively attracted to men, then there would be no way to continue the relationship. However, the fact that he is attracted to women means that perhaps I could have, which is where I believe I am having trouble differentiating my wants.

He actually does want commitment, which is interesting. From a friend’s perspective, I think he wants commitment so badly that he will do so with anyone he can. Which… becomes interesting because it sort of makes me seem like a last choice.

Currently, we are still living together, but no sex.

You are right. I have not experienced any other serious relationships. Only casual flings and hookups. Perhaps that’s another reason why I’m holding onto this idea of possibly being together? I have issues with opening up to new love interests, which can make the only “successful” one I’ve had seem like gold. I suppose sometimes it’s hard to see myself finding anything better…which I know is linked to my self-esteem.

I have never considered it being a co-dependency issue, however, I see how that becomes blatantly clear. How could I work on this without dissolving the friendship any? Already working on clear boundaries (currently).