Dear Diletta:

“Every few days he starts again with this concern.. every time I feel very sad and I have to struggle to recover my serenity… it is becoming a difficult situation to bear… He always worries about the future… I try to enjoy this peaceful time.. He instead seems unable to not worry”-

He is used to worry and can’t stop. He suffers from anxiety. One possibility is that he sees a psychiatrist or therapist or both so to manage his anxiety. Daily exercise, meditation, and other healthy practices help with anxiety.

A good idea would be for the two of you to attend couple psychotherapy, or marriage counseling so that the counselor will teach your husband the importance of him containing his anxiety, that is, no longer expressing his anxiety to you.

When he expresses his anxiety to you, venting like he does, it doesn’t take away his anxiety; it doesn’t help him. And it distresses you. It doesn’t help him and it harms you. Therefore, he should stop this venting, and let’s say go take a long walk outside when anxious, instead of expressing it to you.

anita