Dear Anita,

I laughed a little reading your example about realizing you could open a window for yourself… I haven’t had the same experience per se, but my father was such a domineering, controlling person, I was expected to always ask permission before opening my bedroom window when it was hot, well into my teens. And I also have let life happen to me because it didn’t occur to me I could make things happen. I stayed in lousy jobs, one-sided friendships, and toxic relationships because putting up with bad situations was all I knew.

Being criticized, day in and day out, was a huge part of my childhood. I like to say, “Most people usually have two parents criticizing and correcting them. But I had four people on my case ALL the time.”

I’m sorry your mother slapped you; I hope this was a rare thing for her to do, although words hurt just as much as (and typically last longer I than) physical abuse.

I did see the movie Awakenings, though quite a long time ago. I wouldn’t say I’ve been in a coma like those people, but I do feel like I am not very far from the starting line of adult life, whereas so many people my age are far ahead of me…

The best therapist I ever went to would tell me all the time, “There is nothing wrong with you.” The first time she said this, I said to her, “But how do you know that? You barely know me.” She said nothing in response, but gave me one of the kindest smiles I have ever seen.

Lost Soul

• This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by Lost soul.