Dear Victoria:

“I’m a single child (24 y.o) and my parents’ marriage has been a nightmare for as long as I remember… His actions and reactions have always hurt everyone in the family.. My biggest concern, of course, is my mother. Where does she stand in this situation? She’s been so unhappy for so many years, having to take care of everything for him, being strong, independent but so unhappy”-

Your mother wasnt “strong, independent” enough to leave him, was she?

And, she focused on the following: “to take care of everything for him“, but what about taking care of everything.. for you, providing you with a safe home by separating from him early on, so that you don’t have to grow up with aggression?

A child, be it minor or adult, often focuses  on her mother’s well being but not on her own. You are more of a victim of your father than your mother is, because you were introduced to him as a baby while your mother entered into his life as a young adult. You will need to heal from your lifetime experience of living with your aggressive father and with your mother who did not protect you from him. I am sure you will continue to care for your mother, but take care of yourself first.

I hope you post again.

anita