hello

I’m sorry you are in pain.

We divorced after 25 years of marriage and 3 children. It was a decision based on one of us being keen to experience more in life  (work-life balance, learning, travel, skills, languages, voluntary work) following ill-health retirement from a toxic work situation and the other wanting an ever more rigid lifestyle with impending retirement (‘watch tv and do absolutely nothing ever again’). I’ve probably indicated which I was!

The realisation that one can be lonely whilst with others, +/- in a toxic work situation, because of unmet needs has been transformative for me. I have pills, counselling, and now treat self-care as my ‘job’.

You are grieving for the loss of the future life you expected.

You feel lonely but want to feel loved/appreciated/useful/sexually attractive etc. I have found keeping a journal helpful to break down the steps needed to feel happier by following the sort of practical suggestions above.

You have bought a new home – what an achievement! Is it in a state to invite a friend or neighbours to visit? By which I mean- electricity, water, sewage system, something to sit or sleep on and a beverage of choice. If so, book someone in, even if they need to bring provisions. You will have plenty to talk about even if it’s just ‘chat’ rather than more emotionally involved topics. Can you volunteer locally, in something that keeps you absorbed for a few hours?

Big hug, Rxx