Peggy, you are so right its scary but more so comforting. He would probably never reveal how upset I was/am. He never wants to make waves. With anyone but me evidently. The idea of reducing it to its actual importance is wisdom. Yep. Thanks for that. Easier said than done but I see the point you made. The jealousy thing has been brought up many times from my friends to me. Jealous of what? I don’t get it. Unless she is just jealous that she doesn’t have control over him like she used to. My husband has always been the passive peace-keeper. In fact, I would go so far as to say that his family treated him with complete disregard for most of his life. His brothers were “geniuses”. Bullshit. Ok, yes they are smart but so is DH and SO WHAT? He has a better heart than any of them do. They used to call him “Fat Al” when he was a chubby kid and teenager. His own family. Heads would roll if I ever heard any of them or ANY one for that matter insult my husband. I am very protective of those I love. Hence the  cognitive dissonance between us. He doesn’t have that protective instinct.