Hi Anita and Grenada,

Thank you for  support and insight. It has been very valuable to me.  I thought I had been hiding my emotions well, but last week a co-worker asked if I was ok. She noticed that I seemed off, not my normally cheerful self.  Though I still have moments of despair, I do think I am starting to feel better. And I thank you both for your thoughtful words.

I know that my relationship with R was doomed from the start, though I must admit I hoped it was different. I know he was bored at work, and I definitely was something that made work fun. He had told me this, but still I hoped that there was something more. Other than my husband, he was the only other person that I have been with. He knew this, and so I hoped he understood that I didn’t do things like this casually, though I know that this is foolish. He is also going through a mid-life crisis of sorts lately. He recently quit his job and is trying to figure out his life/career.

I do have to figure out what to do about my marriage. Last year when we were on vacation with his family, his sister jokingly asked me at dinner why I was with him and that I could do better.  I know I stay with him because it’s the easiest and most comfortable thing to do, and that the unknown is scary. But it’s not a good thing if I obviously long for something more. And I don’t want to be in a marriage where I continue to cheat on the side. I would much rather have a relationship that I can be open about.

A legal separation where we lived together for the time being until our youngest was out of school would make the most sense.  We get along well enough that it could be feasible, but I don’t think my husband will agree to this. He tends to make decisions based on what he wants and not necessarily what makes the most financially responsible decision. If it weren’t for our children, the decision would be much easier. But I do have to consider their well being and how a separation would affect them. And so, at this point, I think I have to work towards that goal of separating when our youngest has finished school. And maybe if I’m lucky, perhaps we can work out something before then.

Thanks for book recommendation, Grenada. I will look into it.

Thanks again for your continued support and insights. It really means a lot to me.

Sadiya