Dear Ivey:

I read your recent post and re-read your original post: no indication that you mistreated him at any time during your friendship and relationship with him; no indication that you were dishonest with him at any time.

“He is the best person I know in every possible way… He was amazingly understanding about it (the second time you broke up with him) and wasn’t at all angry with me, but I lay next to him holding him in my arms for 4 hours while he sobbed. I couldn’t cope knowing that I was causing someone so much pain and it was literally killing me so I couldn’t do it… He literally adores me, does everything for me, loves me more than anything and says he could never love anyone else”-

– it doesn’t read to me that he loves you “more than anything”, as long as you stay with him, he loves you more than anything. He cried the first time you broke up with you and it worked. So he cried the second time and it is working, somewhat.

“causing someone so much pain.. was literally killing me”- this is guilt, a form of suffering. He may be okay with you suffering this way as long as you stay with him.

He may be “the best person (you) know” but maybe not “in every possible way”- a good person does not keep another good person in their lives by inducing guilt in that  person.

Nothing wrong with a man crying. But four hours of it leads me to think that at some time in those four hours, a thought likely occurred to him- that you may be feeling guilty and that he doesn’t want guilt to be the reason you stay with him.

anita