Emilia:

I can 100% relate to this.  It’s easy to feel different as an introvert, especially when you’re in a situation (like school) where you’re constantly confronted with large groups of people who all seem to be super comfortable and chatty with each other and don’t appear to have any issues whatsoever relating to others.  In college, when I was deeply struggling with my self-worth and identity, I constantly felt like a loner, isolated, pathetic even–even though I had friends who cared about me.  I definitely carried around that feeling you describe of wondering if something was wrong with me, like maybe I couldn’t grasp something fundamental about human interactions that everyone else understood so easily.

As I’ve gotten older, though–and felt more comfortable in my own skin–I’ve realized that I’m not a loner, per se; I very much enjoy being around other people.  But I do best in situations where I’m with people I can be myself around, a handful of “kindred spirits.”  And being alone is great too.  To me, Western society (especially in Instagram/Facebook age) values quantity in friendships over quality, but I see the value in friends that I can have those deep conversations with, friends who are on the same wavelength, who encourage, challenge and inspire me.  And frankly, a lot of people who seem to have a plethora of friendships don’t necessarily have that.  Real friends are rare, and I think introverts are particularly adept at keeping true friendships alive, cultivating them, and valuing them over the surface-level, fleeting relationships that come and go.

Something that made me feel better about who I am (and that made me realize that I’m not alone) is reading the Highly Sensitive Person person book.  There are tests that you can take online to assess whether you fall into the category of being an “HSP.”  To me, when I realized that I was an HSP and that there were others like me, it was easier (and exciting!) to learn that I have a cognizable personality trait that accounts for a big part of why I felt “different” growing up.  I definitely recommend checking it out as I suspect you might fall into that category yourself–or even if you don’t, could probably identify with a lot of the traits that HSI’s possess.

As this thread shows, there’s a community out there of people just like you. You aren’t alone, and the fact that you’re starting to accept and embrace this quality about yourself–instead of rejecting or resenting it–is admirable!

Peace,

Lena