Dear Loneman:

Clearly it is a bad idea, for as long as you and her live together and are in a monogamous relationship, that she or you attend parties at nights, especially parties where alcohol is served. If any one of you want to attend such a party, ask the other to go with you, and if the other does not want to go, then no party.

Did any of you consider going to that party together?

Other comments:

1. You wrote about your relationship: “It was a story of a boy, abused and neglected, finally found someone that cared. The mother figure that he never had. And a happy ending. But not for me.. I am not saved”-

-it doesn’t work this way, that an abused and neglected child, once an adult, finds his salvation in a romantic relationship. The reason it doesn’t work that way is because childhood years are our formative years, meaning the brain is formed during our first decade or so- thousands of neuropathways are formed, recording our emotional experience. Once you are an adult, those early life experience remain.

2. You shared that you’ve been depressed your whole life, and that “Being in love, is caring. It is feeing multiple emotions at once, but the emotions are amplified at a maximum level where it feels as though you are experiencing music at the highest volume”-

– when a child feels too much distress, that is too  much of a neural excitation, the brain/ body shuts down so to minimize that very unpleasant excitation. The shutting down is depression- minimizing excitation. The depressed person feels minimal excitation, be it positive or negative- all excitation feels uncomfortable sooner or later. When you fell in love you experienced intense emotions, that is, positive neural excitation, something you are not used  to and which feels very uncomfortable.

This discomfort is the reason you sometimes want to end the relationship. Do you agree?

anita