Dear Loneman:

In your original post you wrote: “She went to this party and got very drunk… passed out.. her friend that she went with was ‘grinding’ on a guy that isn’t her boyfriend. She (your girlfriend) spent most the night talking to a guy who offered to be her ‘fitness coach’. Overall, she enjoyed the night”.

The problem is not that she enjoyed herself, but that she enjoyed herself irresponsibly. She was irresponsible regarding her personal safety and the safety of the relationship with you.

She drank too much and passed out at  one point. When “very drunk” a person’s sensible thinking is incapacitated. Her girlfriend at the party was grinding against a man who was not her boyfriend. And another man was flirting with your girlfriend.

The risks for one’s safety in this scenario is falling and hurting oneself, bumping into things, hurting oneself. Driving when drunk is of course risky for everyone on the road. And having sex with men one meets in a bar is not likely to be protected, therefore there are STD and pregnancy risks.

When a girlfriend comes home to her live-in boyfriend with an STD, that cannot possibly be good for a relationship. When a man in a monogamous relationship knows his girlfriend is at a party getting drunk, knowing she can hurt herself or have sex with a man she meets at a party- that cannot possibly be good for a relationship.

If your girlfriend needs to have fun and you do not want to join her to parties where alcohol is served, explore other ways for her to have fun by herself. For example, she might like to attend an acting class- that can be a lot of fun. Or a gym with yoga classes. She can even go to the movies by herself, day time. In addition to that, the two of you can find ways to have fun together, going out for fun activities. Maybe hiking, a picnic at the beach or in a park. And so on.

I hope to read more from you.

anita