Dear Kayla:

A short summary having read your previous thread: you were married for about 10 years, divorce filed Nov 2016. Now you are divorced, 44,  with two boys, 8 and 11. Two years ago, you work 2 part time jobs, were depressed, got on and off antidepressants, attended bi-weekly therapy sessions, a monthly spiritual counselor, led a group of single mothers, ran your own divorce blog, and you were involved with a man, a neighbor, but he too, like your husband, had anger issues, “would  get to a boiling point, hold it all in and yell at me in front of my kids”.

Fast forward two years and you just ended a short term relationship with a man whom you’ve known for over a year. You wrote about this man: “He is upset at my 11 year old son because my 11 year old doesn’t like him.. as he has had a hard time with the whole idea of me dating again”-

I figure, the neighbor yelled at you in front of your boys and this man two years later is upset at your older boy- better not expose your boys to men anymore, not bring them home where your boys are.

I think that you did the right thing to end the relationship with this man because, for one thing, thinking about a second marriage, bringing a man home as a father figure to your boys, the man has to qualify to be a positive influence on your boys. For one, he has to like them both and to express no aggression whatsoever, not against the boys and not against their mother, that is, against you. Nothing damages children more than aggression, be it expressed directly at them, or witnessing it expressed against their one of their parents, be it verbal aggression or otherwise.

Are you content with your two jobs or do you have plans to change jobs (you had other plans before but failed a state exam, I wonder about that)?

anita