Dear Julia:

Congratulations for all the work you did on your personal growth. To work on personal growth in the context of a relationship (friendship or other) is more challenging than work done alone. It takes evaluating the other person correctly over time, it takes practicing effective interpersonal skills with the other person, and in situations that you cannot predict. It is all doable but is more difficult than doing the kind of work you can do when alone.

It will help if you clearly define the behaviors that are included in what you referred to as “one sided”, poor treatment and belittling. Then, when you meet a person be aware that if a friendship develops, it does not become a relationship that includes any of these three things.

If you feel that a person belittles you, but you are not sure, ask a clarifying question in a casual way, so to check your assumption that you were indeed belittled. It often happens that a person perceives this or that when it is not so in reality.

I never did meetups so I have no experience in that. If you want to continue this conversation with me, please do. I will soon be away from the computer for a while. I hope other members answer you as well.

anita