Dear Jim:

I think that it is a good idea to separate the issues here, that will help clarity and hopefully take away your “major regret”:

1. About this woman you dated- reads like an honest woman. It is honest, responsible and commendable that she gave you all the information she had about herself, and sooner than later, so that you were able to  make an informed decision regarding continuing the relationship or not.

Depending on the history and severity of her personal expressions of the bi-polar disorder she was diagnosed with, if you were to continue the relationship with her, you would be exposing your future children to a mentally ill woman who may at times not function well as a mother, as well as to a likely divorce (you mentioned a 90% chance of divorce you read about).

This woman’s honesty and the fact that she  didn’t criticize you are big pluses, huge, as well as her being “very forgiving” and not argumentative.  But these things need to be observed over a longer period of time and they are not all that need to be considered. But do keep these things in mind as huge pluses in your future relationship and marriage. You  do want an honest woman who will not criticize you or your children, who will be forgiving and not hostile/ argumentative.

2. About you: “if the woman I date is someone I’m comfortable with then.. I cannot fear what they think of (her)”- you are afraid of other people criticizing your choice of a woman. I suppose when you date a woman you see her faults through other people’s eyes, maybe parents’ eyes.. what will they say of her. When you spot a fault, you may feel shame, as if her fault indicates your bad choosing, or that you can’t do better than this woman. Is this the case?

anita