Dear Anonymous,

It sounds like you are facing a really gut-wrenching crossroad in your future life planning, and I am sorry to read of your guilt and to imagine how torn you’re feeling.

One question jumps out at me:  is the only reason why you’ve had to consider breaking up the distance that being on the other side of the world would impose?  Or is there more to the story?  There are many examples of people successfully navigating long-distance relationships across continents, and you mention that you are “veterans,” so if anyone could weather the storms of long periods of absence, perhaps you two could?

It sounds like he is wanting to let go of you to be supportive of your dreams, ambitions and happiness.  Your post reads like he is wanting to put your happiness above the happiness that being together brings him.  That level of selflessness is a wonderful quality to find in anyone, be they partner, family member of friend.  But you needn’t let it guilt you into making a decision that isn’t right for you.

It may be that you need this time apart, and you need a change in scenery, to truly value and appreciate each other more than you possibly could have if you stayed put.

As someone who has relocated to a new state twice (once in their 20s and now in their early 30s), I would say that such a change of scenery is one of the best ways to step outside your comfort zone, to challenge yourself and to find new experiences and social circles.  It can also really help you appreciate your original “home” in a new light that you couldn’t before.

Do you need to decide to end the relationship right now?  Is there another option agreeable to you both?  You both seem to agree that you need the change of scenery, so I wonder if you need to make the drastic decision of ending the relationship here and now.  Is it possible you could see how you are both feeling three to six months into your relocation overseas, and whether your relationship is still tenable from that vantage point?  Or would it be better, from your point of view, to have a clean break and give yourselves the freedom to find where your hearts truly lie?