Dear Aim,

It sounds like you are going through some challenging times on multiple fronts (financial stress, a big lifestyle change, and wanting to feel empowered in your desires / dreams / decision-making processes in your marriage).

I respect the views of everyone else here but my own view is that you should never feel like you have to settle down into any major life decision that isn’t right for you.  In any relationship / marriage it is important that you feel like you have a voice, and any needs / concerns can be heard.

I appreciate marriages are complex, though.  For us males we are often culturally conditioned to be “providers” and a lot of males still, to this day and age, take great pride in being decision-makers and go-getters.  Your husband may just be following a path that he has been taught is the template for traditional marital success, to try to understand things through his eyes and his experience.  But we don’t have to adhere to tradition for tradition’s sake, especially not if it’s causing you anxiety or making you feel miserable or financially stressed.  We are all different, and some of us are free spirits like you.  I can hear that you really enjoy music and that it’s a central part of your life.  With things like this it’s important to carve out a space for us to self-actualise, so we can set up our lives in a way that makes us happy.

It will be a tricky negotiation but I do think it’s important you discuss this fully and respectfully with your husband – especially if the decision to move to the country is the right one for you.  That isn’t to say you won’t be able to find a way to make things work in the country, but you need to decide on a way forward as a team – and particularly, on a pragmatic level, how you are both going to keep a viable income stream going for the sake of the baby.

Have you and your husband considered going to a financial counsellor?  That may be beneficial and help you both feel more empowered in plotting a way forward.

If your passion is for piano teaching and you can find a way to make that work financially, I say go for it – follow your dreams!  Life is too short for anything else, or to settle for something that makes you unhappy.  In this day and age it also may be worth considering getting a side hustle or two… some kind of work you can do from home to bring in a little extra money.

Warmest wishes for a positive outcome as you navigate your way through these storms.  I will check up on your post over the coming week if you want to continue to correspond about this.