Dear White Desann:

“I’m impatient.. time is passing by while I remain stuck.. I stagnate. It feels like I do not have the luxury to be patient”- I agree, you don’t have the luxury to be patiently stuck, patiently stagnating. I meant that you need to be patient with the process it takes to un-stuck yourself and move forward toward love relationship and marriage, which is what you want.

You wrote about emotional storms, storms of unpleasant emotions: “the storms are indeed there, and yes, I need to learn how to mitigate them”- it takes engaging in a process of learning how to mitigate those storms, particularly your frequent storms of fear (“constant fear of being left behind due to every minor mistake. I am always on edge.. in fear that every little thing can be fatal”).

The process of mitigating fear storms includes committing to a daily routine of aerobic exercise (brisk walking or swimming will do), daily two or more guided meditations with the theme of Mindfulness, carrying a figurative tool-box with a variety of tools. For example, time-out, is such a tool. Another is a list of distractions, such as taking a short walk when particularly anxious, listening to music, even playing a computer game, whatever fits the place, time and situation you are in. And more.

anita