Dear Aim:

“I never said anything about being a celebrity performer.. I really feel my soul’s purpose is to be a performer in some capacity”- I misunderstood. I thought you were considering a lucrative career as a performing artist in front of paying audiences. But performing in the contexts of a school play, church, a local community event, a small charity event, that would be wonderful, I am sure you qualify to do that, as well as teaching piano.

“I didn’t play for me. I was playing to fulfill other people’s expectations. I now really just want to go back to that dream in ways that I can achieve it.. I’m seriously considering teaching piano because I think that’s because I think that’s where I’m being called to do. I am terrified of this whole process… stressed about not feeling good enough… stuck between stopping and going”-

– creativity is like the gas pedal in a car, and fear is like the brake pedal. Stuck between stopping and going is like sitting in a car pressing the gas pedal and the brake pedal, gas, brake.. it doesn’t get you anywhere and it runs down the car mechanism.

Nothing rains heavier on the parade of Creativity than Fear.

Not long ago, in the small town where I am closest to, there was an event and a group of musicians was on the stage. The singer, he was not great, his voice wasn’t strong or versatile, he had a limited capacity there, but as I watched him, I was enthralled, fascinated, uplifted. He was enjoying himself, he was creative, he let himself go. And this is what fascinated me, now I wish I could do that. So many of us people are afraid and we envy those who seem to be able to create in spite of fear, to push that gas pedal, to let go, to be and become… it is fascinating.

There is another singer who performed in the local market a couple of years ago. She sounded like a celebrity singer, strong voice, very capable, I didn’t notice anything about her singing that was any less than any celebrity singer. I enjoyed hearing her, but got somewhat bored at one time  or another because there was something automatic, or repetitive about her singing, different than the singer I referred to later. She had a great voice, great singing, but she was pushing that brake pedal while singing.

If you played the piano without fear, if I watched you play without fear, letting your hair down, so to speak, daring to defy fear and side with you, not with fear- that would be fascinating, exciting and uplifting to witness. Mistakes along the way, these will be part of the fascination, encouraging the audience to follow your lead and in whatever they do, to let go of that figurative brake pedal.

anita