Thank you all so much for your replies.

Anita- this is very wise. I will ask him not to mention them next time he does. And I will watch out for whether he makes the effort to please me, too. So easy to forget that bit. You are also so right about still having fond memories for people even if we know we should not be with them though- I guess it’s just hard to accept as another partner, but is a fact of life.

Valora- I know he waited 1.5 years before getting together with his most recent ex, so I’d hope that would be enough time to process his other relationship (it has been substantially less time since he broke up with his ex and now maybe getting together with me.. but they weren’t as serious). I think you’re both right- I just have to ask him not to, and then if he keeps doing it, accept the red flag.

Inky- thank you for your perceptive. That’s what seems normal/healthy to me, too. I suppose it’s slightly different for us as we spoke about past relationships whilst being friends first, since it seemed an important way to get to know each other. But now we are becoming more than friends, I don’t want to speak about them any more! I will bear in mind that it is very possible to have had long relationships and not to mention them 🙂