Dear Sarah:

You are welcome. It is not a red flag at this point, that he’s been talking about his ex to you because like you wrote in your original post, you are only “in the initial stages of getting together with a friend who I have known for a year”, and like you wrote in your recent post, “it’s slightly different for us as we spoke about past relationships whilst being friends first, since it seemed an important way to get to know each other”-

– the two of you are in the process of changing your relationship from friendship (where talking about past relationships is appropriate and useful so to get to know each other) to a romantic relationship (where talking about same spoils the romance!)-

I hope the transition proceeds well and is successful. It is possible that he or you will need to talk about a past relationship experience for a useful purpose, such as: I learned this from that experience, this is why I want to do something different now, and you can talk about it.

But to reminisce: I used to do this with her, or I was here with her, there is nothing useful about that kind of talk and it is hurtful to hear that, in the context of a romantic relationship.

I hope you post again and share about what happens next in your relationship, and/ or any other topic.

anita