Dear Lola:

You are welcome.

“How do I start to heal.. I feel like I need to rush to feel better soon as these emotions and the pain overwhelm me”.

When I attended psychotherapy I experienced lots of strong, overwhelming emotions. My therapist at the time introduced me to the professional terms “emotional regulation”, and “emotional regulation skills” which are a necessary part of therapy. We can’t think straight when we are emotionally overwhelmed. First, we have to lower that overwhelm factor, that is, to lessen/ regulate our emotions.

Practically, emotional regulations skills (you can probably google that) include healthy distractions, such as taking a walk outside when you feel overwhelmed, deciding on and practicing a daily routine that includes an exercise routine; listening to soft music when distressed, having a hot bath… listening to guided meditations with the Mindfulness theme (each starts with slow breathing, a relaxing practice), Slow yoga where you hold this or that posture for a while (it leads you to sort of take the elevator down from the overthinking brain down to your body, a break from overthinking is relaxing!

It is necessary to regulate our emotions on a daily basis. And as we do, we can think effectively, gain needed insight, form goals, small ones, and patiently proceed.

In your original post you listed the following distressing happenings:

1. a troubled relationship: him abusing you, a split, a getting back together, ineffective communication between you and him, a counsellor’s poor advice that you invite him to your hobby and sanctuary, a pregnancy and a miscarriage, increasing of arguing, you perhaps abusing him (“I became the monster”),  and feeling ashamed about it,  illegal activities at your workplace, suspecting he was seeing another woman for three whole months while he vehemently denied that he was, and then seeing him offering his arm to a woman who was getting out of his truck, then you confronting them and he denying again and wanting to get back together with you.

2. illegal activities in your workplace.

This is it, I think, all that you mentioned. Did you notice how #1 is long and detailed and #2 is not. This means to me that the relationship was your number 1 stressor by far. And so, yes, leaving it behind is wise.

You mentioned PTSD, based on all of the events you listed, that is the relationship plus the illegal activities in your workplace, or is there something else?

Also, are you employed at the moment?

(You are welcome to reply without answering my questions, I would like you to feel comfortable).

anita