Dear Luz:

Let’s look at your recent experience: “Recently, I’ve been seeing someone who I’ve been very attracted and interested to. We’ve only hung out a handful of times, but I’m already finding myself obsessing over him”- anxiety predates obsession, so you spent a bit of time with this guy and you got scared, excited and scared, both.

Excited, “like a child on Christmas morning”, but also scared, “my usual response is to run far, far away” (we want to run away when we’re scared).

A couple of weeks ago, he texted you, you felt “really excited”, you met, you felt more excited, “the crush came back ten-fold”, and the fear returned as well: “I find myself obsessing over him”. The fear happens in between the times that you spend with him, “thinking about the next time we’ll see each other”, afraid that you will not see him again, you are rushing toward that next time, wanting it to happen quickly so that you don’t wait anxiously for that next time.

In summary, the way I see it, when you feel excited by a particular guy, then you get scared. Positive excitement is quickly followed by fear. The two emotional experiences are physiologically similar.

Another issue is you being excited by the wrong type of guy (“I’m that girl that always attracted to the wrong type of guy. The guy who is scared to be emotionally vulnerable and never wants anything serious”).

If you want to answer my next two questions, please do, and we can communicate further:

1. Do you get scared when feeling excited in other contexts, other than romantic relationships?

2. Are you “emotionally vulnerable” in relationships, and if so, how?

anita