Hi Anita!

Wow, you’ve really given me a lot to think about here. I guess I was seeing my (future) mother-in-law’s reaction to our affection as abuse, especially after she called my fiance a wh***. I was worried it would make things worse — make my (future) mother-in-law feel like she can throw a tantrum and get her way with us — by giving in, but you’re right. I’ve been hurting my fiance in ways I didn’t see before.

I really appreciate you taking such an in-depth look into this, even going back to look at my posts from years ago. In answer to your questions:

-are you living with your girlfriend, away from her parents and yours? Yes, we have an apartment together that is several hours from either of our parents. We were living with her parents for a month or so (until the wh*** thing happened), then we scrambled to get our own place so we could be together in a better environment. We share a roommate and my fiance is in therapy 1x a week.

-how often do you and your girlfriend visit her parents’ home, and for about how long is each visit? We usually visit her parents once a month or once every couple of months. It’s never longer than a week. We have a new rule not to stay more than two days because that’s usually when tension occurs for one reason or another.

-is there a wedding planned or is the engagement open-ended, as in: sometime in the future, a year, a few years from now, we’ll get married? We’re getting married on Halloween this year (we’ll have been together for more than 2 years at that point).

Do these answers add anything to your thoughts? If so, I would love to hear more from you.

P.S. I don’t give my fiance hickeys anymore lol, it was just a stupid puppy love thing I did once before I realized how harmful they can be to the body