Dear Whelan:

It has been an abusive, or toxic relationship because of these behaviors:

1) He accused you of something but didn’t listen to a word you said in response, or to your offer of evidence to refute his accusation.

2) He threatened to smash your phone.

3) He shouted at you.

4) He called you names.

Any of the above is abusive, and the above being a “repeat cycle”, makes the relationship repeatedly abusive.

“I could look at him the wrong way and he’ll start a mega fight”- for a person doing the looking, this is a recipe for escalated anxiety, what you called “walking on eggshells”.

I don’t understand this part though: you wrote, “He never kisses me, tells me he loves me, doesn’t even ask how my day was. We don’t go out or do anything.. He goes out with friends but never invites me”,

but then you wrote: “I knew we could have got back together and things would have been good for a short while. He’d be sweet and attentive and our relationship would be like I always wanted it to be“-

– if he never kissed you, never told you that he loved you, never takes you on a date, how is/ was the relationship ever good, ever like you always wanted it to be, and how was he ever sweet and attentive to you?

And then, you wrote regarding the talk you had with him last evening: “He told me he loved me”- but earlier you wrote: “He never .. tells me he loves me”.

anita