Dear MissCat42:

My thoughts as I read your post:

1. It is your parents’ right to not have your boyfriend in their home overnight. It is unfortunate for your boyfriend and for you, I suppose, but it is not your boyfriend’s property, or yours, so neither one of you has the legal or moral right to decide if he stays over.

2. If the property you found “doesn’t actually have permission to be used as a dwelling”, and no way to get that permission, or no way for the two of you to finance such a permission, then that property is not a home you can live in, and your boyfriend’s lasting anger and disappointment directed at you (and your parents) is completely irrational. His lasting anger and disappointment at you (and at your parents) regarding your rational choice to not invest your money in a non-dwelling is a perfect example of what is called emotional reasoning, that is because he feels excited about buying the property, then it is the right choice to buy it.

“It broke his heart.. pure devastation… stolen his dream away”- he doesn’t understand that the non-dwelling property is not his dream, and therefore you didn’t steal his dream away from him. And days later, he still “cannot see (your) point of view at all”.

Reads to me that this property situation intensified his pre-existing depression and he is not thinking rationally. You did well to make the rational choice, and not wasting money you worked so hard to earn and save. But he is not doing well. You did all you can to explain the rational behind your decision and to show him support for his devastation. I don’t know what else you can do ?

anita