Dear Katie:

Regarding your first post yesterday, your mother ranting, Here is an Cambridge online definition of the verb to rant: “to speak, write or shout in a loud, uncontrolled, or angry way, often saying confused or silly things”- it is never a good idea for a parent to rant to a child about anything, it is never a healthy thing for the child. Whatever complaints she had regarding elementary school (and I do live in the US and have  worked as a teacher in big city elementary schools), she should have talked to the teachers/ school staff about, not rant to her children.

A child needs a calm, sensible, logical mother, not a ranting maniac.

She claimed that “parents were really uptight and snobby”- I don’t know about snobby, but your mother herself has been very uptight, reads to me. She blames school teachers, other parents.. she blames everyone else, doesn’t she, except for herself.

Regarding your second post: it is a good thing that you are “in a committed relationship with no drama so nothing to talk about there except ‘yeah, he treats me really good”, and it is a good thing to not engage in your “friends’ daily activities.. drink, smoke, hook up with guys, have fights with their friends”. It’s a good thing that you don’t “get so hungry and eat everything when drunk.. don’t smoke… don’t hook up with guys… don’t have fights.. don’t care for drama”.

Unlike your boyfriend (and cousin), I don’t think you “need to put the effort in” getting closer to peers who drink, smoke, hook up with guys, and fight with their friends. How can it possibly be a good advice for anyone to befriend people who behave in such ways that deliver STDs and unecessary drama and aggression into their lives?

I think that it is time for you to make new friends, friends who do not do the behaviors that harm them and that will harm you if you engage in them (just as they already harmed you in the past).

Instead of compromising yourself so to fit their clique, find your own, find peers who are compatible with who you are!

anita