Dear MonaD:

“We hoped to sit down together and figure out where we were going”- so it was not done yet, a plan was not made regarding the future of this long distance relationship.

“Yesterday my brother cried to me about all the stress.. I have to be here for him”- he cares about his brother way more than he cares about you. He feels that he has to be there for his brother, but he does not feel that he has to be there for you.

“It’s like the world is pulling me in so many different ways.. I can’t do everything”- his pull toward his brother is way stronger than his pull toward you. He can’t do everything, so he let go  of the less important person in his life.

“if everything works out on my end, I’ll be back”- everything is a tall order: if one thing doesn’t work, then he won’t be back.

“when everything is done and the feelings are still there we can pick up from where we left off”- not a very promising proposition: it requires everything to be done, and it requires his feelings being there and your feelings and then the two of you can go back to … not yet making plans for a future together.

“until then I will be focusing on the more pressing things in my life as you should too”-

My suggestion: let it go. Let him focus on the more important person or people in his life. You need a man who will think you are important in his life. What this man is offering you is a possible re-consideration if everything goes well and if, and if.

And let’s say the current financial crisis regarding his brother resolves this time and he returns to the U.S- how long will it be before the next time his brother (or someone else in his family) needs him yet again?

If I was you, I would end this relationship today. There has to be a better option for you than this.

anita