Dear Elle:

It occurred to me a little while ago that it is possible that it is the relationship between your parents that was very distressing for you to witness and to experience by proxy (children are so empathetic, so involved and invested in their parents’ lives, that they experience their parents’ lives as if it was their own), and it is that experience that scared you so much that the thought of a relationship “is very anxiety- provoking and stressful.. scary.. to consider”.

The relationship between them distressed each one of them, maybe to such an extent that that “neither remarried or got in a relationship with anyone else”.

It is a good thing that your father experienced that quietness after his divorce and that he was able to share some of that it with you. I wish this quietness becomes his legacy in your life, something that you can hold on to and make it grow, over time; bit by bit, every day.

anita