Dear Serkan:

You are welcome, and thank you for your kind words.

“I am very depressed”- I am sorry that you are very depressed, and I hope you feel a whole lot better soon enough.

I suspect you were depressed before. Maybe that’s why you didn’t pursue any other woman but her, maybe that’s why you were focus on a woman you dated only a few times for so very long, nine whole years.

“it makes me think about how to fix this”- if she avoids relationships because she is too scared to end up in a terrible marriage, like the one between her parents, you can’t resolve her fear, can’t retroactively fix the marriage between her parents. Question is, can you, or will you fix whatever it is within you that needs to be fixed, or healed.

“I lived nearly whole adulting period with her”- not really with her, but with the fantasy of her. You spent very little time with her alone.

* I was wondering about something you wrote earlier: “when we have small disagrees about what we eat outside”- do you mean that on the few times you dated her, she wanted to eat at a particular restaurant and you disagreed with her choice of restaurant?

If you can list for me all the disagreements you had with her during the few dates and otherwise, while communicating with her, it will help me understand better.

anita