Hello,

so i’m going thru all of this (which by writing it down and your subsequent responses has allowed it to become more clear) and it’s very hard right now to accept. My life feels worse now than the awful one I left behind which is why i’m re-living everything. If my life had worked out better, not perfect just better and I felt good about me, a career, no job bouncing, a level of financial security, am I re-living any of this? I don’t think so. And with hindsight and reflection I have that sinking feeling i’ve wasted my life and it’s now too late.

I alternate between anger at myself for NOT valuing my own life and of course now i’m paying for it. Anger/feeling victimized at the environment I grew up in, which led me down this path, and the realization my family did not respect me and it was mostly conditional love. That is really difficult to accept.

I really wish I could move forward and escape all this but I don’t know if I know how and it seems this is all I really know. I feel lost still… just goes around in circles..feels like a wasted life…i don’t feel good about “me” …and I don’t think now I ever will.. it’s too late…