Hi Paradox Music,

A great start would be to find some new friends. Find people who are positive, support you, and do not publicly shame you.  Join a club or try a new hobby.  It can be hard to make new friends when you are surrounded by the same people all the time.

It is great that you are involved in website development and piano.  Have you composing your own music as an emotional outlet?  I use poetry as mine, but I have often found piano music to be one of the most moving and inspirational music genres to listen to when I write. You may benefit from creating and you listening to your own songs.

Moreover, I can tell you from personal experiences, people who give you mixed signals are a waste of your time and energy.  Anyone who does not have the guts to communicate with you regularly will be difficult to maintain a friendship or relationship with in the long run.  It is great that you are honest with the girls you have feelings for.  Being upfront and communicating is always best. However, you should start with asking a girl out and getting to know her on dates for a long while before announcing your love for her.  Girls can be fearful of both social ridicule and for their personal safety if someone professes an immense crush right off the bat even when the person professing means no harm.

Denying yourself of your feelings for someone will not make them go away.  It is the same with any emotion.  Love, sadness, regret, excitement, embarrassment, etc.  You need to face your feelings before you can act on whether or not you want them or not.  Accept your feelings first.  Then decide if they help you towards your goals and values.  Is the emotion worth any positive or negative consequences if you act upon it?

Also, though this is a great community of support, please remember that users, such as myself, and this site are not intended to provide and do not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. Nothing here is designed to replace medical or psychiatric treatment.

Sincerely,

Melinda