Dear anon:

“am I being heartless for trying to ask her not include me in conflict that is actually between her and our father? Does it seem like a reasonable assertion of boundaries?”- yes, it is a reasonable assertion on your part, and no, it is not heartless. If she continues to include you in her conflicts with other people, it will be reasonable for you to no longer give her access to you.

In every circumstance where and when she experiences a conflict with another person, she present the situation to you as  such that it is “entirely the other person’s fault”, meaning, no fault on her part, nothing she did wrong, no way did she contribute to the conflict, and therefore no need for any change in her behavior (“she never asks my opinion about how she could improve the situation or how she may have contributed to it”)-

– this means that every time she disturbs your life and fills it with her distress, you are being used as a place for her to dump her distress and in so doing, relieve herself. Think of it, being used by someone to as a place to dump something. She is not using you for your intelligence, your thinking ability, your wisdom, but simply as a dumping ground, dumping her distress into your mental space.

So you don’t get to benefit her mental health and function in life. Instead, you get to provide her with temporary relief that  makes it possible for her to feel better/ rest in between her conflicts.

Not a good use of your time and mental space.  Plus, whenever there is or will  be a conflict between you and her, you can safely guess whose fault it will be, according to  her. You can also count on her to share all the details of that conflict with a third party, whomever volunteers to serve as her dumping ground next.

anita