Hi Anita,

im so glad you’re staying safe during this awful time.
Thank you SO much again for your perspective. It always opens my eyes.

This is such a vulnerable time for me because I work in a hospital, and the stress is high. I’ve been feeling so emotional, and this relationship is right in front of me—and I felt like I’d do something stupid since this is such a difficult time in the world. I’m so glad I wrote here.

After our phone conversation I felt good. But I also had some lingering questions.. and funnily, one of them was “Is this what he tells every girl? That he doesn’t share things with them?”

On some level my body and heart KNOW that I’m being somehow taken advantage of, or just like something just isn’t right here. I’m not trusting him. And luckily I spoke up and set the boundary because I know if he asked me to dinner again, I may have ended up having sex with him again and he still wouldn’t have given more.

I was even contemplating asking him to dinner to talk more and share more intimate things about myself and why I’m scared to have sex (because I’m scared of being used/manipulated since that has happened in the past to me) BUT that wouldn’t get me anywhere. He’d act “understanding” and agree to “take the physical stuff slow” but I still would most likely end up having sex with him if I’m being honest with myself and it would still end up in a non commitment type of situation.

A man who actually cares to get to know me would’ve asked why I’m scared to get physical. He would want to understand me. Would you agree? Be more reassuring and try to get to know more of me. Me calling him and explaining why I’m scared to get close—because I fear manipulation and being used—would not make much of a difference, dont you think? This man has not done or shown that—aside from a showy dinner with friends, and the dinner date at his house. He’s lived an entire life of hooking up with women, why would he ever change that behavior now? He’s 38 years old and saying things like he’s hoping to “find the one”. It’s like, he isn’t going to find the one by giving himself around to everyone expecting a quality girl to be ok with that and want to put effort into him? When clearly the energy/intent isn’t reciprocated.

Would you agree? And the fact he verbally stated he thinks he needs therapy should be enough to make me realize he isn’t ready for what I need, so why try to push it? Why try to force communication and security? Why the need to explain myself and clarify things? When I know it won’t make a difference at all. I think this quarantine came at a perfect time interestingly, because I’m able to distance myself so easily.