Dear Jordan:

“Ever heard the story that human used to have 2 heads, 4 arms and 4 legs, until they got cut in halves, then they have to find their lost other half?”- I am entertaining this imagery in my mind: that’s a whole lot of halves running around, millions of halves in a big city like New York City, bumping into each other (prior to the current outbreak turned pandemic) in search for The Half. It makes for billions of halves globally, communicating online, all in search for the One and Only Half. This makes for a statistical nightmare!

Your alleged Half, your current girlfriend, met Joe, a man who is ten years older than her, “staying up late to 2am chatting with Joe.. goes to Starbucks and his condo to do homework with him.. They send each other ‘hug’ emojis” while you are working from home, stressed from your career, family and the coronavirus.

She told you that “she and Joe are so similar that she can receive total understanding from Joe. She thinks that Joe is her soulmate, and I am not”, and yet, “she repeatedly assures me that she and Joe are friends.. She does not have any passion for Joe and they are just platonic friends”, and she and you “are still a perfect match for marriage”.

You suggested that Juliet (Romeo’s Half aka his soulmate) didn’t have an additional soulmate category available to her: a soulmate-friend. But your girlfriend is telling you that you are not her soulmate-friend, Joe is. But she wants to marry you.

“Honestly, I felt betrayed”, you wrote, and you don’t know if you can trust her. You want to “open your eyes wide before marriage”, which is now, opening your eyes now.

You’ve been bothered by this for  two months, “crying into my pillow every 4 or 5 days. I sometimes do want to break up with her to end my suffering”.

“what is happening here?”, you asked. This is my best answer at this point of studying your one post: your girlfriend killed the whole concept of soulmates. Romeo and Juliet didn’t get to be together because of forces greater than themselves, not because either one of them had a separate soul-friend, causing the other Half to suffer hurt, anger and jealousy, crying into a pillow!

It’s okay with me that she killed the concept of soulmates because I don’t believe in it myself. What is not okay with me is that your girlfriend is not to be trusted. Opening your eyes now, is seeing that at this time, she is not a trustworthy woman, so better abandon your plans to marry her,  and make yourself available (following a period of grieving and waiting for the pandemic to pass) to meet  other women, and find one who  is trustworthy.

The only way your girlfriend’s behavior can fit a marriage with you, is if you and her are okay with an open marriage arrangement, where you know that your wife is being intimate with you and with another man. If you are not, there is no way that you can be okay with the thought that she is spending time alone with another man in his condo, feeling secure that the hugs emojis never turn to real hugs.

Your girlfriend, who should become your ex girlfriend, says I, has certain beliefs about relationships that unless changed, make it a bad idea for you to be in a relationship with her.

Please let me know of what you think about what I wrote here so far.

anita