Dear Joe:

This woman has become associated in your brain with the following unpleasant and painful emotional experiences: “very ugly.. hurt.. damaged… sting.. nag at me.. pierces like a dagger.. extremity of this pain”.

You want to “find a way to dampen it”, it being the above, which is associated in your brain with thoughts, memories and images of this woman.

“Any ideas?”, you asked. My answer: it will be difficult to do and it will take work and time because .. it takes work and time to change brain connections already made- it is literally a physical- neurological change.

The work I suggest is to reconnect your thoughts/memories/ images of her to a different emotional experience by creating a guided meditation for yourself, on audio,  where in a relaxed state, taking slow breaths, maybe to the sound of relaxing music,  you imagine her and repeat certain sentences out loud. Through repetition, over time, you will habituate your brain to experience a lesser intensity of the negative emotions currently associate with her, and experience more and more peace of mind in regard to memories and thoughts of her.

Is this making sense to you?

anita