Dear  jwhy:

You met her in a work setting two years ago. A year later, April 2019, she quit her job and moved to a remove village in the mountains. Four months later, you visited her in her new home for a few days, and “confessed (your) feelings for her”. She told you that she was not sure about having a long distance relationship with you, but after you returned to your home, for a few months, the two of you texted and called almost every day, as well as send letters to each other, and the two of you”got closer”, before she told you that “the physical separation was getting to her”. She asked you to move to the mountains with her.

If you moved to live with her, you will have to give up your job as an engineer, a job that cannot be done from a remote location. She on the other hand, does not want to move to your city, or any city. You told her that you are willing to have moving to the countryside a goal to work toward in about 3 years time, gathering sufficient resources before such a move.

She didn’t find your suggestion attractive and told you that “she tried to make the long distance work, but she’s unable to”, and apologized.

My thoughts: you spent no time with her in-person, as a boyfriend-girlfriend, as I understand it. The two of you got close over texts, phone calls and letters, but not as a result of spending time together in person. This concerns me if I am to think of you giving up your job, moving to her village.. and the two of you getting to know each other in close proximity for the first time. It might not be good experience for her and/ or for you, and you will end up without a job and without a relationship.

What do you think?

anita