I genuinely never thought I would find a post that resonated so much with my situation. I was/am exactly like Elle – I was in one of the darkest places of my life, for me, I was so stressed about climate change (I’m in environmental studies) and felt so hopeless all the time. This translated to my relationship where I prioritized literally everything above him, because I was so lost, unhappy, that I felt I needed to get a grip on my life by giving less to someone else. I think I was in desparate need of feeling complete and confident in who I was as a person and needed to let go of my relationship as I felt like I was constantly falling short and not giving enough into it when he was. I was so relieved initially, but then I went into a horrendous month of non-stop crying and being so extremely depressed without him. (It was because about a week after our mutual breakup I asked to get back together and he said no, something I thought would never happen). After that month, I genuinely felt ok – I felt at peace, I was like ‘ok, this is good, I have my life, I can do what I want and focus on myself.’ And now with the Corona quarantine… all I have now is time to think and I was so shocked by my feelings of regret and longing for this specific person. I’ve realized a lot of unhealthy patterns I had in my past and have been literally acheing to reach out to this person to talk and reconcile. I’m hesitant because I know he doesn’t want contact, it’s been almost 4 months and he has never reached out. What I think I’m going to do, is take a bit more time (yes, I signed up for a mindvalley class that helps you “consciously uncouple”), really understand the breakup and what happened, my part in things, and hopefully after all those things I will have clarity on whether I just want to apologize for my part in things, or ask to reconcile. The hardest part is being faced with rejection, that this person still does not want you back, but I know that decision would be for the best and I could live with it knowing I was as vulnerable, honest, and open as possible.

What are people’s thoughts when they are wanting to reach out to their ex so badly? I’ve cried so much about it, it hurts so much to be without this person, but I know I need to do a bit more work on understanding myself and what happened before I reach out, otherwise it wouldn’t be fair to that person.