Dear jwhy:

You are welcome. I am sorry that you are hurt and sad, that the relationship (long-distance since April 2019) was called off. I wish you had her love back during this time of global crisis.

From your recent post I learned that in her place in the mountains, she had “almost no internet”, and that “In person, she’s.. forthright, honest and voices her view with consideration”. But you also wrote earlier: “she usually goes quiet if something is bothering her, and I need to get it out of her”, which means she has the tendency to go quiet when bothered, independently from internet accessibility.

In Jan 2019, after a few months of spending time with her in-person, you hinted to her that you were romantically interested in her, but she didn’t express back to you, at that time, that she had a romantic interest in you back (did she?), and she proceeded with her plan to quit her job April last year, and moving to a remote location in the mountains.

When you visited her there August 2019, and confessed to her your feelings, she said “she was not sure”, and that “she was sorry for having led me on and she was aware of her tendency to do that”. During a recent phone call, she told you that she does not have “an emphatic yes” for you.

Overall, I agree with your analysis in your recent post, regrettably: she lacked a clear, or strong romantic interest in you, and when she asked you to move to the mountains with her, “her motive for asking me to move to the mountains may have been to assess the strength of her romantic interest towards me… My view of moving to the mountains, in contrast, was to commit to a life with her, not as a test of my interest in her”.

In relationships between people, particularly in romantic relationships, it is the exception, not the rule, that there is complete honesty and transparency between the two parties, even when the two  parties are otherwise honest people. Complete honesty on her part would have been if when she asked you to move to the mountains with her, she would  have told you that her motivation was to test her feelings.

Although that would be very selfish on her part, to have you quit your job and move to a remote location, so to test her feelings.

I suppose one lesson to learn from this is to not proceed with a woman if she doesn’t match your romantic interest in her, to not proceed when the romantic interest is not two- sided.

Please do post here any time you would like to post, if you do, as long as it is of any benefit to you. You read like an honest, appreciative, gracious, kind, patient, intelligent and rational man, and I imagine that the woman who will end up with you, will be a very fortunate woman.

anita