Dear Tee:

“am I just being codependent here and being pushy.. Am I just being unrealistic here?”- I think so, I think that the answer to these two questions is Yes.

“Whenever I talked about something I’m going through in my life regarding my parents.. he just doesn’t know how to respond”- a qualified psychotherapist should be able to respond appropriately, but for most people, this is a very difficult topic to respond to. If you are in contact with your parents, and you complain to him about them, what is he to say? If he says: then don’t talk to them! Will you take his advice, or say: but I have to talk to them, they are my parents! So what can he possibly say that  will be helpful?

“I grew up in a house where my parents continuously argued, were always at each other’s throat”- he can’t change what happened to you. He can’t go back in time and rescue the girl that you were from the war-zone kind of a home where you grew up.

“I told him I want.. at the end of the day 2 hrs of undivided attention from him”- two hours of undivided attention at the end of a work day is way too long! People need to unwind at the end of the day, not to exert the incredible energy it takes to give another person two hours of undivided attention.

“He told me he realizes as well that he wasn’t putting as much effort as he used to when we first starting seeing each other.. His response really hurt”- that’s almost always the case for couples. It is not an abnormality. The fact that he realized that and told you so, shows me that he is honest about what usually is the case for couples. (I am guessing that you were not pushy and demanding of him at the beginning of your relationship with him).

He told you: “I show my love for you in different ways that are not verbal and you don’t see it”- is it true?

anita