Good morning!

I am hoping to move past thinking about him and the relationship and begin to focus on my own hurts, what this experience brought out in me…feelings of unlovableness—I feel like I have been passed up for other more sparkling, outgoing, “experienced” women before. What kills me is that it brings up this weird competitiveness feeling when I see these women (especially the one he has taken to now, and the ones he has been with in the past). They’re perfectly nice people, that he has a way to play us off one another really stinks.

Anyway, I am seeking some peace from the past, hoping to not let this experience make me shy from dating forever. My first first “sexual” experience (more like fooling around) was pretty horrible, aggressive, unpleasant. I have been worried that maybe I was doing something wrong, not enjoying myself because I don’t like sex, whatever. Then what I realized was, Hey, maybe it’s not me. Maybe my partners in both cases haven’t been attentive to my needs, not caring or truly “making love” (corny, I know) but just satisfying their own needs.

Agh, this is opening up a can of worms, eh?

I function pretty well these days (given the circumstances!) but in my quiet moments these thoughts are still with me (many months on).