Dear anonymous03:

You are welcome. I am glad you returned to your thread. I re-read your original post, and read your current post (and reply on another thread):

“In the last year of our relationship.. I had developed this obsessive thought process, where I concentrate only on his perceived flaws.. there were intrusive thoughts”- I am familiar with this, having suffered from OCD for many years. It seems to me that these intrusive thoughts were fueled by a part- desire in you to end the relationship with him, focusing on his faults so to motivate you to leave him.

Regarding your guilt, a heavy guilt- it is something that you and I have in common, more precisely, had in common. I suffered from a devastatingly heavy guilt for decades, regarding my mother, believing that I made her miserable. Back to you- I believe that no matter what you choose next, or if you don’t choose and let A and/or B choose for you,  you will be feeling guilty.

This means, that you better accept this unfortunate reality, and give up on thinking (if you do) that there is a way for you to do one thing or another that will free you from guilt.

You will need to make a rational choice, or a series of choices, without letting the guilt confuse you.

A never apologized for either breaking up with you, or for breaking up with you the way he did. He refused your idea of therapy at the time, and didn’t attend therapy since, I imagine. Last time you saw him, he was in a bad emotional state-

– not a good idea to go back to him.

I will pause here and will continue after I read from you next.

anita