Dear blkhwkdwn1:

First a comment: “you now have a guy that completes you and makes you feel so happy… I wish you all the happiness you can handle”-

– I don’t think that her boyfriend completes her, and I don’t think that he makes her feel so happy– this is a flowery language which is not her life experience. Happiness, or joy, is not a sustainable emotion, or state of mind. If we feel happiness from time to time, that’s the best we can hope for. She had and has her struggles: a bad relationship, the dysfunctional ex who was in her life for too long, some health struggles, the rift with her boyfriend not long ago, and most recently, one of her daughters got evicted.. the pandemic.. so assuming someone is or can be so  happy, that they have someone who completes them and the two walk into the sunset hand in hand.. all this belongs in fairy tales, not in real life.

Based on your previous three posts, this is what you need from her: you need to feel that you are important to her, and that you are a higher priority in her life (“I have to know I am an important person in their life.. where I stand now as priorities”).

You will know that you are important to her only if she initiates phone calls and get-togethers with you, no less than you initiate those things with her.

And you want her to initiate talking and getting together with you because she wants to, not because she feels that she has to; her initiative must be out of her free will (you want her to “be free in every possible way”) , not because of a sense of obligation or any pressure put on her.

“she will probably say to reach  out when you feel like it”- this will not be an acceptable outcome for you, because it didn’t work for you before. Therefore, you will need to come up with a clearly stated expectation (stated gently, not demanded!) of how often you want to talk to her on the phone, and how often you want to meet her in person.

Leaving the frequency of contact vague or up in the air is not going to work. The two of you will have to agree on a schedule of contact (open to reasonable adjustments, of course, and not too rigid).

Let me know if you agree with what I wrote so far, and what frequency of phone calls and what frequency of get- togethers is acceptable to you.

anita