Dear Karene:

You are very welcome. I am sorry you are feeling badly, and I hope you will feel better soon!

A few days ago, Russel told you that he will ring you that night, but didn’t. You’ve been “agonising what was going on and waiting and waiting”. Yesterday he phoned you and suggested that the two of you go for a walk, and you “jumped at that.. felt like a flower opened up in me”. As you were getting ready to see him, he rang to tell you he couldn’t make it. You asked him why, and he said that he didn’t know, and hung up.

Next, you rang him even though you are scared of ringing him. He answered the phone and after you told him that you “found it very hurtful”, he said: “I’ll talk to you later okay” and hung up. You are hurt and in pain, “He chooses to ignore and not care even when he is not doing anything”. You feel as badly as in 2007, when you flew to see a man you were smitten with, only to be sexually and emotionally abused by him.  For about 8 years following that experience, you avoided people other than your parents and close family, finding it “hard to go out in public and to be around people” -a pre-pandemic social- distancing, using the current term.

You are thinking about preparing another card for Russel, even though he didn’t receive the previous one that you sent him recently, and didn’t care to look for that card in a neighbor’s letterbox, where it might have been placed by mistake.

Let’s look at what it means to use and be addicted to meth: healthline. com reads: “Meth produces an intense high that comes and fades quickly. Coming down can cause difficult emotional and physical symptoms, such as depression and insomnia. As a result, meth addiction often follows a pattern of bingeing on the drug for several days at a time, followed by a crash.”

Wikipedia reads: “Methamphetamine is a potent central nervous system (CNS) stimulant that is mainly used as a recreational drug.. At very high doses, it can induce psychosis.. Chronic high- dose use can precipitate unpredictable and rapid mood swings, stimulant psychosis (e.g., paranoia, hallucinations, delirium, and delusions) and violent behavior… Methamphetamine is known to possess a high addiction liability (i.e., a high likelihood that long-term or high dose use will lead to compulsive drug use) and high dependency liability (i.e., a high likelihood that withdrawal symptoms will occur when methamphetamine use ceases)”.

axisresidentialtreatment. com reads: “When someone abuses crystal meth, it doesn’t take long for the drug to cause extreme and noticeable changes in them. From their appearance to their mental stability to the simplest of interactions with others, there is a marked change, and the entire personality of the user can flip 180 degrees… While experiencing the effects of crystal meth dose, you may notice a number of different things about your loved one. They may: have dilated pupils, be extremely personable and chatty, be unable to sit still, be extremely focused on some minute task or detail, pace and compulsively touch their arms, face, etc., talk to themselves. They may seem agitated and out of it or they may be eerily focused and managing multiple tasks at once with a smile and run-on conversation. Their behavior may change from binge to binge, but it is always a stark change from their normal self.

When the drug wears off, your loved one’s true personality will not return for a few days. In the aftermath of a crystal meth binge, your family member may be: surly, exhausted, unable to sleep or eat, paranoid, restless, uncomfortable”.

As I read and typed the above, it is crystal clear to me that.. a crystal meth addiction makes a positive, reliable friendship/ romantic relationship impossible.

You wrote regarding his behavior: “I feel like I’ve done something wrong”- no, you haven’t. The drug he takes is very powerful, it’s the drug that does him (and you) wrong.

You asked: “How can this person who always promised me he’d be there for me, never hurt me, and that he loves me, act like that?”

My answer: he takes meth, probably crystal meth. If he took an anti-psychotic medication for his pre-meth psychosis and no meth, he would probably be okay in the context of a friendship/ romantic relationship. But he takes meth which makes his psychosis worse. He is very addicted and is not in any treatment program. As long as he is able to buy the drug, he will continue to use it.

Do you agree?

anita