Hi Olga,

I’m sorry you are going through a rough time.

You said your “ex” has broken up with you in the past multiple times and now is another country and then mentioned you are “happy he is back in your life”. So my question to you is: are y’all together and exclusive? If not, you have not “cheated” on him in any way technically. I maybe wrong, because I’m not sure of your dynamic, but I don’t think you should think that way and feel guilty.

Even if y’all are not “together” together, this might hurt his feelings, I feel it is always a good idea to come clean to him. Hiding it is not going to help anyone, especially you. You’re right; he probably is going to find out some way or the other, so it’s always better if it is from you. He might be hurt and angry, but he will appreciate your honesty. Also, you will find that talking to him will take a huge load off your shoulders, as sometimes the guilt is amplified because of keeping it from him. You just made a mistake, but that doesn’t make you a terrible person. Nobody likes to blame the alcohol, but isn’t it a little true? Would you have done this had you not been influenced by booze? If he understands this, no, he is not going to hate you or his friend for life.

About your habits regarding alcohol, you will need to actively work towards not letting it take control over you. Not just because you might hurt your guy or something like that, but for safety reasons too. Maybe drink in moderation and draw a line at the number of drinks you can have before your thinking is impaired? Get drunk only when you know you are not getting out of the house for the night? List out other things that you think will help you, and stick to those.

I do not find your words to be hypocritical BS at all. To me, these are the words of a person ridden with pain and guilt. Guilt is a b***h, and you are letting her take so much control that it is affecting you physically as well. In your opinion, you made a mistake. That’s all it is: a mistake. Is making a mistake, which you realize you wouldn’t really make if it wasn’t for alcohol, something you are ready to work on, really that very bad? Before your guy does, maybe you need to forgive yourself? Be a little kinder to yourself?

Think about it…