Dear Jayne:

We people, men and women, have lots and lots in common: we all need to socialize, we all get scared, we all get angry.. we all need together time and alone time, and so on and on. But there are certain differences between us people that were hard for me to understand before, as in: when a person doesn’t answer my email, it doesn’t mean that they hate me, or that they don’t value me; maybe he/she doesn’t like emails, maybe it feels stressful to reply to an email, so she postpones it for later and then doesn’t get to it.

Let’s take your situation: you “barely heard from him in the last two days”. For you the last two days may have felt like four days, a long time, but for him, it may have felt like two hours. For you, you barely heard from him; for him, he heard from you enough.

Individually we have different subjective experiences: different likes and dislikes, different reactions to the same event, different ‘feel’ for time; some like to talk when they are anxious, others want to be alone.

So, “getting rid of the should” ( as in: you should feel/ think/behave as I do), is a good idea. Entertain possibilities of his subjective experiences, and you will feel better.

Does this make sense to you?

anita