Dear Cali21:

I am glad you “never bluntly or otherwise made him feel less of a man”. No doubt though that he knows that you are unsatisfied. Bragging that he “couldn’t take his hands off his ex girlfriend”, is his way to shift the blame for your sexual dissatisfaction to you, suggesting that it is you who is not turning him on, not that he is not capable of being turned on.

“so exactly why does he love me? as a roommate, or a sister, or a companion???”-

– seems to me that his sexual drive is very low, that he is uncomfortable regarding sex, that he is not interested in it and has it to get it over with and set it aside, and that he loves you like a companion.

He can’t help having a low sex drive, and he can’t help the fact that his high blood pressure doesn’t allow testosterone replacement therapy. There is nothing wrong with having a relationship, even marriage, that is not based on sex and does not include sex, if that’s okay with both parties.

I think that it is time for a serious conversation between the two of you, as calm a conversation as you can manage, aimed at getting the information that you need: is it indeed that he wants you as a companion- wife; is it that he would prefer to establish a non-sexual relationship with you; is it that he had been forcing himself to have sex with you so to get it out of the way for the next few days or a week.. exchange information, so that there is no guessing and no wrong assumptions made.

I’d say, if an honest, calm conversation like this can not happen, then a marriage between the two of you is a bad idea regardless of the sex issue.

anita