Dear anonymous03:

“I feel guilty about any and everything. Before A and B, it was about my mother.. I felt guilty I wasn’t able to be a good daughter.. for going out with friends.. when we’d fight, thinking that I’m a bad daughter for talking back, after all that she  has done for me”-

– by “all that she has done for me”, I assume you mean that she fed you, clothed you, bought you school supplies and toys, cleaned after you (?)

If so, then she produced a well fed, well clothed, educated young woman who suffers tremendously from guilt.

Wouldn’t you have preferred to have had inexpensive food(yet adequately nutritious), fewer clothes, second hand school supplies and toys and not suffer the guilt?

“all that she has done for me” then includes guilt: that’s what she did for you. See the bigger picture  then: she fed you, clothed you.. and added guilt to your life, an experience that you suffer from tremendously.

The guilt you feel regarding your mother is like a wildfire that expands, as is its nature. That guilt/ fire that burned you in its original context (your relationship with your mother) expanded and now burns you in a later context (your relationship with A).

Your guilt started with the belief that you are a bad daughter and it expanded to you being a bad girlfriend, and overall, a bad person. You are suffering because you are not a bad person who believes that she is a bad person. What to do next:

1. To believe that you are not a bad person, and to learn to trust that you are not a bad person, you will need to be as calm as possible and behave in such ways that you agree with. Don’t yell at people, don’t verbally abuse people (calling people names and insulting them), act respectfully toward people.

2. Resolve your troubled relationship with your mother so that this early life relationship doesn’t hurt you anymore. Put out that original fire, so it stops spreading.

3. Prepare for this guilt torture to continue as you work on 1 and 2, but over time it will lessen and eventually, it will not be there anymore.

– let me know if you want to work with me on 1 and 2, and which one you want to start with.

anita