There are actually two mental conditions that I was referring to (I was trying to be vague about them): PTSD and Asperger’s Syndrome. Essentially, these two conditions operate in tandem with each other. With Asperger’s, I tend to get “stuck” on things. I often have temporary obsessions, which occupy my mind for a period of time – the amount of time is almost never the same, as it could be hours, days, months, etc. And with PTSD, of course, I often have traumatic memories arise unannounced from time to time. When these traumatic experiences resurface, I get stuck on it due to the Asperger’s, and I end up having to live and re-live the trauma in a seemingly endless loop for however long the obsession lasts. It’s a vicious cycle that I have very little control over.

As for the wound, I do believe that a substantial part of it was cause by her, though not all. What I didn’t mention in the original post is that prior to the relationship, I had also through another series of traumatic experiences (being bullied out of a community I was close to), and I was in the midst of processing that by the time she and I were together. While those wounds were definitely healing (even now, I know I have made great progress on working through that trauma), I think the relationship and long break-up either added to that wound, or it reopened some of the wound that was already there. Either way, I do still think the relationship inflicted notable damage to myself.