Dear Serife:

My explanation is not about justifying anyone’s behavior, it is about what motivate people. You asked who in the situation I’d rather be: XYZ or A or B (you)- I would rather be you:

I wouldn’t want to be X, Y,Z because they are dishonestly manipulated by A (held by conditional acceptance/ threat of rejection), and I wouldn’t want to be A because I don’t want to dishonestly manipulate others. I would want to be you assuming you are honest with people, neither manipulated nor manipulating.

I will soon be away from the computer for the next 12 hours or so.

anita